You Have Something Stuck In Your What? Why Many Visit The E.R.

It may be a surprise to learn one of the top ten reasons many Americans make an emergency room visit. It’s because there is a “foreign object in body.” Of course, my sick mind initially takes this to an embarrassing extreme.

I won’t go into graphic detail, but this fact reminds me of that funny Seinfeld episode. Remember the one where Kramer goes to the DMV for his new license plates? His plates get switched with someone who ordered personalized tags which read “ASSMAN.” So, Kramer immediately believes a proctologist ordered the plates. Eventually, he ends up being correct, when the entire crew visits a proctologist to help Frank Costanza (George’s father) get an object removed from a delicate area on his backside. Here’s the hilarious clip from YouTube and TBS.

With that funny Seinfeld clip in mind, it’s important to note that “foreign object in body” does not necessarily involve your backside. Obviously, a person can get an object stuck in the nose, ear, or eye. In fact, it could be an item that someone ingests which causes the emergency room visit. That’s according to a new study by personal injury attorneys John Foy & Associates.

However, their study reveals that about 277,000 Americans make an emergency room visit for this reason every year. Those results put “foreign object in body” in the top 10 reasons for E.R. visits. Furthermore, their report shows that the average cost for this type of emergency room visit is $5,000 or more. I guess that means no more corkscrew pasta in the house.

By now, I’m sure you want to know the number one reason we visit the E.R. It’s due to unintentional falls. That makes sense. You can do lots of damage to yourself if you are not prepared for a fall. Comparatively, over 5 ½ million Americans visit the emergency room on a yearly basis for this reason.

Other reasons for E.R. visits include unintentional poisoning at number two. Third: accidental impacts from humans, animals, or non-living objects. Fourth: motor vehicle occupant injuries. Finally at number five, accident cuts or piercings.

All I have to say after all that information is: “Ouch!”

As anyone who has watched the classic episode of The Office where the Dunder Mifflin team learned CPR (sort of) knows, the Bee Gees' "Stayin' Alive" is the perfect song to do CPR to. While the episode is hilarious, CPR is no laughing matter. Lyrically, "Stayin' Alive" is a bit on the nose. But it is also 100 beats per minute, which is the perfect pace to administer CPR.

You shouldn't be picky about music when administering CPR, of course. Time is of the essence. But just in case, New York Presbyterian Hospital has a playlist of songs at 100bpm. Though the playlist has 57 songs and runs 3 and a half hours, we picked the funniest and oddest ones to play in the crucial moment of saving someone's life.

Per the Mayo Clinic, Cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) is a lifesaving technique that's useful in many emergencies, such as a heart attack or near drowning, in which someone's breathing or heartbeat has stopped. If you're afraid to do CPR or unsure how to perform CPR correctly, know that it's always better to try than to do nothing at all, so pick a tune and get to pumpin' because the difference between doing something and doing nothing could be someone's life. But, hey, why not dedicate a little time so that you are actually prepared to take action if you need to. Learn more about the basics here.

Incidentally, in the aforementioned scene from The Office, the CPR instructor tells Steve Carrell's Michael Scott to sing "Stayin' Alive," and he instead starts singing Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive." That song is also at 100bpm, so that would have worked as well (assuming that Michael is better at administering CPR than he is at keeping secrets). But you wouldn't want to start with the intro of that song, which is slower than 100 bpm, just jump right to the chorus.

See below our 10 favorites from the list:

Singing "Is it too late now to say sorry?" while giving someone CPR feels a bit weird, but hey, it's 100bpm!

Justin's song is weird in this scenario, as it makes us want to dance. Don't worry about bringing sexy back when you're doing CPR.  Also: "Don't be so quick to walk away."

Now the folks over at the New York Presbyterian Hospital, like The Office, have a great sense of humor to include "Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees. It's pretty on the nose!

"When you see my face, hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell." Hopefully, giving someone CPR will have the opposite effect.

Hearing Missy Elliot saying, "Is it worth it? Let me work it" while giving someone CPR seems like the most inspiring song on the list. Please note that this song and video may be NSFW, even if it might help save a life.

The music video (which may be considered NSFW) takes place in an ER (which is also a bit on the nose). Tracy Morgan makes a cameo as hospital security, which is hilarious.

Instead of being an arms dealer, it's much better to be a breath dealer while getting someone's breath pumping again.

It's also a bit on the nose: "When I die and they lay me to rest/Gonna go to the place that's the best!" That's all well and good, but hopefully CPR will delay that trip.

Modest Mouse singer Isaac Brock may not have been sincere when he sang "Well, we'll float on, good news is on the way." But you can take it literally in this instance, especially after successful CPR.

Keep them "big wheels" turnin' so you can go back to whenever you call home, whether it's Alabama or anywhere else.

Larry Martino is the long-time afternoon drive personality on 96.3 KKLZ. The views and opinions expressed in this blog are those of Larry Martino and not necessarily those of Beasley Media Group, LLC.

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