Toxic Relationships: 5 Signs You're In One, And What To Do About It

Everyone is looking for love and respect. It is the normal human condition. When we’re in a loving, respectful relationship, it is emotionally satisfying. However, when one often feels sadness, unhappiness, anger, distrust, low self-esteem, or fear, then these are signs you may be in a toxic relationship.

Just Because You Had A Fight Doesn’t Mean You’re In A Toxic Relationship

Every partnership comes with disagreements. If there are never issues, then it means you’re probably not talking to each other. That’s an issue in itself! Regardless, one fight does not mean you’re in a toxic relationship. With this in mind, it would be good to know the warning signs which identify a partnership that needs help.

There was a book released in 1995 titled Toxic People written by Dr. Lillian Glass. According to an article written by Sahlee B. on MyPositiveOutlooks.com, Dr. Glass was the originator of the term “toxic relationship.” Thus, in her book she describes the phrase this way: “any relationship [between people who] don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness.”

Toxic Relationship: Diverse multiracial people hanging together in coffeehouse ignoring sad young girl sitting alone at cafe table, upset social outcast loner suffers from unfair attitude or discrimination among friends.

Romantic Relationships Aren’t The Only Ones That Go Bad

For the most part, when we think of toxic relationships, we usually assume they start as romantic partnerships. However, you can also find bad relationships in the family dynamic, with friends, and even at work. Specifically, if any person you know demonstrates violent, abusive, or manipulative behavior, you should remove yourself from that relationship.

As has been noted, there are other relationship behaviors that may be more subtle. Those will be discussed when you scroll down. But, what are the reasons a person may demonstrate toxic behaviors? Dr. Glass identifies reasons such as “a harsh childhood, bullying at home and at school, mental health issues, or trauma.” Sometimes, the two partners, friends, family members, or colleagues just may be incompatible. That happens.

How Should You Try To Resolve A Toxic Relationship?

If you find yourself in a toxic relationship you must determine whether or not you can save it. Will a more open dialogue help? Should you call upon a third party, such as a licensed therapist, to assist? As much as these ideas may help you resolve your differences, there are situations when you just have to walk away. If you feel the other party cannot, or will not, change, then end the relationship.

Unquestionably, if you feel that your health and well-being are in danger for any reason, you should involve the authorities. Locally, you can contact Crisis Support Services of Nevada at 1-775-221-7600. Nationally, you can call the Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

• 1) Unhappiness

  

  Toxic Relationship: Shot of a young couple sitting on the sofa at home and ignoring each other after a fight.

  Is there any joy left in your relationship? Are you unhappy most of the time? If all you’re feeling is sadness, anxiety, emptiness, anger, or even worse, fear, then these is are signs that you’re in a toxic relationship. Do you ever look at a happy couple and feel envious? According to Dr. Glass, that is another signal that you’re in a bad partnership.

• Self-Esteem Deteriorates

  

  Toxic Relationship: Photo of a single sad young man with low self-esteem, lamenting his situation while sitting on the grass in a park.

  Of course, low self-esteem cannot always be blamed on your partner. However, if you never had these feelings of low self-worth before you got involved with this person, then that is a red flag you should pay attention to. Dr. Glass points out that if your significant other spends a lot time belittling you, manipulates you, lowers your self-esteem with words, and constantly criticizes you, then you need to take action.

• Broken Trust

  

  Toxic Relationship: African-American couple, man and woman, ripping paper with trust inscription, while sitting on a sofa.

  This is a biggie for relationships. Once you’ve lost trust, it is very difficult to regain it. Dr. Glass points out that frequent lying erodes your ability to rely on your partner. Dishonesty also signals a lack of respect between significant others.

• Hostile Communication

  

  Toxic Relationship: Mature lady crying, having quarrel with her husband while they are in the kitchen.

  I was once involved in a relationship with a woman who would often get hostile with me. Let me tell you, it wasn’t fun. I got out of that relationship pretty quickly after it happened a few times, but a lot of people do not. They become so accustomed to the verbal abuse, they just let it continue. Although being yelled at is the obvious sign of hostile communication between partners, name-calling and aggressive behavior are other things to be aware of. Dr. Glass also says the “silent treatment,” or your partner constantly interrupting you, are other hostility red flags.

• Lack Of Hearing And Understand

  

  Toxic Relationship: Photo of a Man not listening to his shouting girlfriend on white background.

  When you’re involved in a disagreement, do you find yourself listening to figure out how you’ll respond? Or, do you actually hear what your partner is saying so that you can better understand why you are both in this quarrel? If you or your significant other are constantly on the defensive emotionally during a disagreement, this is a warning sign. Dr. Glass would advise hearing what your partner says to better understand and empathize with their emotions.

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